A Rolling Kayak Gathers Momentum

Was out working in the back yard when I heard a commotion from on top of the hill. New neighbors had moved in, taken down the fence, and filled the drainage easement with two to three pound river stones (as they didn't want to water the grass that was there previously.) Unfortunately they had a couple of younger children who liked to roll the stones down my hill, smashing up the ivy and the celery and bean plants at the bottom of the retaining wall. This time one of the stones hopped the wall and grazed me in the calf. I was dodging, but just not fast enough to get missed. I shouted the Ouch, ouch! ow! song. They looked panicked a moment, and then ran off. I decided I needed to put all of the stones in a basket and make a trip around the block for a visit. As I was gathering up the stones I looked up to see an orange and white plastic kayak sliding down the hill towards me, but not in time to get out of the way. As I turned to run, the kayak bounced off the ivy swinging into my legs, knocking me down and leaving me with a huge cramp in my right calf. (Which was still there when I woke.)